My Writings. My Thoughts.

Let’s Try This Again

// January 24th, 2012 // No Comments » // life

Last fall I was on a mission to lose weight, feel better and in general, live better to live longer.

Then I was given so many excuses to discontinue it. My grandmother passed away and seven days later my father-in-law passed away. We were out of town approx 8 weeks and I just let the ‘healthy’ part of me get pushed down. I eat when I get down or feel like I don’t have control. I eat a lot. After the ‘being out of town and grief’ excuses it was then the holidays and another excuse to wait for the new year to get back to business… The new year came and went and I was out of town 2 of the first 3 weeks. Again, another excuse.

I can make an excuse for anything! No more. Today is day 1 of getting back on track. I’m going to focus on the 4HB again. It was so awesome last time and truthfully it worked great for me.

Why do I need to publicize this? Nope, not looking for attention. I’ve found that if I put it out in public I’ll hold myself accountable better- I want to be able to say I’m doing great when I’m asked!

Oh, and I’m turning 40 on March 2nd- I’d like to lose 40 pounds (not by March 2- that’d be unhealthy!)… so a 40-40 deal.

Burnt. Out.

// December 15th, 2011 // No Comments » // life

What’s your perception of me? Do you know me mostly via Twitter or Facebook? Are we real life friends too? Do I have your phone number? It’s late at night and I was just thinking of all the stuff that is going on and this holiday season. This has been a heartache of a few months. My grandmother and father-in-law both died within 7 days of each other in September/October I’ve had countless other friends lose loved ones and truthfully its gotten to me.

Many friends and acquaintances know me as this social, funny (at least try to be), entrepreneur, driven, busy, family dude. And for the most part, I fill those roles… however, I just don’t feel like any of that right now. I’m burnt out. I won’t call it depression because I’m happy and I love my family and the work that I get to do on a daily basis- but sometimes, just being honest, I want to escape to an island with no computer, no phone, no TV and no internet. Just me, Renee, the kids and a few surfboards. A place with no cares and no ongoing to do list.

As I look back to the beginning of 2011 I set out to spend more time with family and I feel like I’ve accomplished that. However, a new adventure came up that I am stoked about but it’s just more stuff on top of all the other stuff. I’m not independently wealthy so I’m not just gonna disappear. I like what I do and I love the people that I get to work with- it’s not on any of them that I can’t get out of this funk.

What do you do when you get the funk? How do you get out of it? I know the ‘church’ answers that I grew up with; Pray about it, talk to someone, get counseling- Let’s say I’m doing all those, what else?

The Obligatory 2011 Favorite Music Blog Post

// December 15th, 2011 // No Comments » // life, Music & Entertainment

Because everyone does lists and I obviously don’t like to walk the same line… I give you my ~~list~~.

My favorite record of 2011?

As if you had to read this post to realize that. Rock is alive.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year friends! Much love to you in 2012!

A Disconnected Holiday Time

// November 24th, 2011 // No Comments » // life

It’s social media break time! It’s the holidays and I’m signing off of twitter and facebook till 2012! However, I’ll still be taking lots of pics…

So, if you wanna see what I’m eating, what the kids are doing, where I’m at or how the puppy is survivng just see below…

Happy Thanksgiving!
Merry Christmas!
Happy New Year!

Thanks ‘T’ – This One Is For You

// October 7th, 2011 // 3 Comments » // life

The past 5 weeks I’ve been in Charleston with family for work, vacation, my father in law getting ill then my grandmother passing away. We came home on Tuesday and we weren’t home 24 hours before we got the call that Renee’s dad (who I call ‘T’) may not have much time with us in this life. I took her to the airport immediately. The kids and I came down earlier today (Thursday). After dealing with Nanny’s death last week I’m not sure I’m ready to deal with another one- Especially with Emma and Emerson, they are smart, they both realize something is going on but obviously at that age they are still figuring out death- heck, they are at the beginning of figuring out life ( I’ll argue that we never figure out life, I haven’t- I live, I love and I do it with all my heart and soul).

I now sit in ‘T’s’ computer room, listening to him struggle to breathe a bit. He’s taking morphine to relax but the bottom line is that his heart, lungs and other organs are slowly but surely beginning to fail. Tonight we sat around and joked a bit, watched some football and then the ending of Road House. Not intentionally but it was on. I realize he is on morphine but I know he knew I was there- I got the occasional, “where’s Emma and Emerson”. I’m not so sure he’ll make it till the morning… so here I sit- more thoughts online.

I remember the first time I met Renee’s dad- I’m pretty sure he had no clue what the heck his daughter had just brought home. I was rough around the edges then- maybe I still am or like to come off that I am. Renee had always dated the preppy, clean cut dudes and she had a stable job. Me? The first time I met ‘T’ I had 5 ear rings, hair 1/2 way down my back, ripped jeans a tesla t-shirt on and I don’t even remember if I had a job. He made me nervous no doubt. He was retired military and in general came off as a hard-ass (which I can say is false- he’s a man who cares and loved a lot… just not a man of many words). Can you imagine his shock six weeks later when we told him we were getting married! I’m pretty sure he mumbled under his breath something to the effect of ‘not gonna happen’.

A few weeks later when I finally pawned enough stuff to buy a wedding ring I think he knew it was real. At Christmas he gave me my first handshake and 1/2 man hug with the traditional whisper in the ear “you hurt her and I’m coming for you”. Duly Noted. It wasn’t long before ‘T’ decided he liked me. There was no defining moment that we became friends, it may have been the 300th time that he told me to take my hat off during dinner. Can’t remember. Eventually I could wear a hat and he never said a word.

‘T’ has raised 3 daughters- I was the first to come into the family as a “son”. So maybe there is some special forces at work there but no doubt we had a good time together. Camping, NASCAR races, golf, cigars, antique sitting (this is where you sit and wait on your wives to antique shop- and we were the best) are just a few of the past times we enjoyed together for the past 20 years. There is no doubt in my mind that ‘T’ loves his family and that includes me. He told me many times, he called me son often. I’ve been honored to know him and to have become a part of his family. ’T', Know that I’ll take care of them just as you have… and yes, I still know that if I hurt ‘em you’ll come and get me.

Much love to you ‘T’. You will be missed.

Waiting For Death

// October 1st, 2011 // No Comments » // life

***I wrote this late Friday night, in the process of proofreading Nanny passed away. It was approx 11:45pm. I’m thankful that she is at peace and in a much better place. Thanks for the amazing support and outpouring of love- we’re blessed to have amazing friends****

Have you ever waited on death? I haven’t until this past week. I don’t like it. I’m not saying I like for people to die suddenly but the waiting and not knowing part of death can seriously take a toll on your mind. It’s hard to focus. It’s hard to hear the phone ring. It’s hard to have conversations about when “it” will happen. No one knows.

This is another mind dump. Before I begin, my family and I really appreciate the comments and support that we’ve read and seen both here and on Facebook (my dad drove so much traffic here the other day I figured he has some good friends) on my previous post.

My grandmother, ‘nanny’, that I wrote the previously blog post is the catalyst behind a lot of thoughts lately but September in general has been a rough month for sickness and health issues for friends.

At dinner the other night my dad said, “I guess there is a down side to having close friends…” – How true! Having people in your life that you care about and do life with eventually makes us realize the pain of sickness and death. Getting older has something to do with it as well. Here’s what I’ve heard/seen/experienced the past two weeks (no exaggerations):

Nanny is given a few days to live.
My father-in-law is put in ICU, released and then back in the hospital
A best friend finds out his mom has cancer
A twitter friend had a punctured bowel and is septic (emergency surgery saved her life)
A friend in a fist fight with throat cancer, his second round

And I can guarantee you we could all add 100+ more people to that list right now. It’s too much. The part that really bothers me is that I can’t do anything about any of this. Not a thing. I’m what many people would call a ‘yes’ man or a ‘fixer’. I would do anything for my friends and their family. My heart hurts with them at the same time.

We’ve officially been told that nanny has 24-48 hours to live. It was evident in visiting with her today that they are right. She may not be here when I wake up. A part of me will be glad that its over. The last two days have been rough seeing her like this. I want her to be pain free and on to the golden gate bridge in the sky… Or is that golden roads? (the humor defense mechanism kicked in).

I will be sad that she is gone and no longer physically part of our lives, however I had an amazing insight while visiting her today. Who she was as a great-grandmother, nanny, mom, wife and friend will continue to live within her family and friends. As I watched her laying peacefully in the bed the silence was broken by the laughter of my kids and niece… It may sound corny but it was a joyful and sad moment at the same time. Life and death mixing… as one life is ending others are just beginning. Thanks for all the notes, comments and support. Its amazing to know just how many people my nanny knew and touched.

Death & Ramblings

// September 27th, 2011 // 8 Comments » // life

I included the word ramblings in the title because that is what this is. It’s a mind dump of the past week. I apologize if it seems too personal or possibly a bit confusing. I’ll try to make sense.

My first memory of death is January 1st, 1982. My papa died that night and it’s also the night Clemson won their National Football title. You know what is sad? I remember the Clemson championship game more than I remember anything about my papa dying. I wasn’t in the same town when he died because my parents left my sister and I with friends while they traveled to be with them. That’s it. I can’t recall the funeral. I can’t recall going to GA to even be at the funeral. I’m pretty sure at that time I became scarred and scared of death. The very idea of it.

Fast forward 9 years to 1991. My great grandfather known as grandpa died. This was my first real experience of someone close to me dying. I was living with grandpa, my nanny Beck (my mom’s mom) and aunt in Union, SC (dare I say I was attending school at the University of South Carolina- please don’t let that get out, my heart has always been with Clemson but USC let me go to school near my grandparents). He and I would take weekly trips to Burger King and to a classic car dealer. He was in his 80s but begged me to let him buy a 1967 convertible Fiat Spider (they had a green one and a red one). I would have but my nanny and aunt would have killed me. I still want that car- anyone know where I can get one??

One day sitting in English class he died. My uncle called to tell me and I’m pretty sure I cried for 48 hours. This wasn’t just my grandpa, he was my buddy- the person I hung out with daily. I had a pretty hard time with his death and still miss him. After that, I wanted nothing to do with death. If someone died I usually tried to stay away or just be funny- one of my defense mechanism is being silly and a comedian. Not in a rude way but in a way that I want everyone to smile and forget they are sad.

My nanny Beck died 4 years ago. She’s nanny Beck because my other grandmother is nanny Bradford. As a child I spent every summer with nanny Beck. She lived in Union, SC on 42 acres so it was usually a lot of fun spent in the woods. I was the only grandson so I was the most trouble… She loved all of us the same but I was the boy. When she died, i went in denial right away. Didn’t cry. As a matter of fact on my way to Union I stopped and bought an iPhone. Another defense mechanism is to buy stuff. Dumb, but I did. I didn’t shed a tear until that coffin was going in the ground… then it hit me, she’s gone. I lost it. It hurt. Death had broken my heart again.

So, here I am in 2011 and facing death again. My nanny Bradford isn’t expected to make it the next few days. It’s not totally unexpected, she’s had heart issues and dementia for the past few years. This time it’s different. I’m here. I’ve been able to see her daily and have enjoyed her smiling when she see’s me and even using what little energy she has to hug my neck with one arm.

I’m not sure I’m dealing with this better but I feel like I am. Truthfully, nanny Bradford’s death will sting. She’s the last grandparent I have, the last great grandparent that Emma and Emerson will have seen and known. That makes my heart hurt the most. I wanted my kids to know both of my grandmothers- they both lived and loved and thankfully passed that on to my mom and dad.

One other thing- because my mom’s mom died a few years back and about 3 hours away I didn’t see her last days. I didn’t see my mom and how she interacted with her mom. I know they had some time together but I don’t know what it was like. These past few days I’ve seen my dad interacting with his mom and one of the hardest things in this world to hear is your dad telling his mom that it’s ok to go… it is ok. She’s lived a great life and her body just can’t go on.

I’m not sure this whole post has a point so I’m going to make one right now… ready.

Love your friends and family. Tell them you love them. Enjoy the time you get to spend with them. Enjoy the loud and aggravating holidays. Love, love and love some more..

Bromance? What You Need To Know

// August 23rd, 2011 // 6 Comments » // life

Bromance is a term that was born in the 1990s by Big Brother magazine that reflected the relationship between skate boarders who spend a great deal of time together. The term has resurfaced in the past few years and really took off again after the movie “I Love You Man” came out… the movie is about a guy who has no close friends and is on the hunt to find that ‘special’ friend. A very funny movie!

For the past 3 year I’ve taken a trip with the same guys. We’ve known each other a little over 5 years and it’s a rare thing to find guys that all get along and love the same things (well almost everything- I hate baseball and one of the guys hates the Beach Boys). We do this trip every year and every time we hear from other friends who want to go. We always have a conversation about feeling bad that we don’t invite others and we don’t want to be jerks but then we go and have fun and realize that there is a trust and security in the connection that we’ve all made. It’s not that we are jerks and just don’t want to include others- because we often talk about taking another trip and inviting the masses. That doesn’t happen and honestly I don’t think it would be the same for the other guys.

I have a lot of friends (don’t read that as bragging) who I think would have a horrible time with us- even though they think they would love it. The inside jokes, the beer, the music, the really late nights roaming other towns and more importantly the attitudes. Yes, we have attitudes when we go on these trips. We act like no one else in the world is around. Let me re-phrase that, we aren’t rude but we are loud and have a blast.

Why am I writing this? I wanted to express the importance of getting in relationships with other dudes. It’s harder for us. Go to a birthday party and you’ll notice most of the ladies just chat it up and roll while the dad’s are on the wall or off pretending to ‘play/watch’ their kid so they don’t have to talk too much to the other dads (guilty). It happens and as we get older it gets harder for dudes to make close friends.

My recommendations on ‘creating & finding’ your Bromance:

Survey your current friend landscape. Find guys that you have stuff in common with. If it’s music, start going to concerts together. If it’s football, go to some games. No games in your area? ROAD TRIP!!!!
Not sure you want to go on a road trip? Take a day trip. We live in Nashville and our first trip was a quickie down to Atlanta for a Braves game. It was there that we knew we’d do this together again- probably for the rest of our lives
Get involved with a group already meeting if they are open. A church group that meets once a week, a book club (yes, they have those for guys), A local collectors group (vinyl, sport memorabilia), community sports.
Don’t fake your interests! These guys know I’m not a baseball fan but we take baseball trips. Maybe I’m the exception but just hanging out and goofing off trumps these trips for me. However, if they were to get season tickets to a baseball team, I’d probably have to reconsider all those ‘dates’.
Don’t force it. Don’t try too hard to force these friendships. Honestly, you probably won’t even be trying when you realize it’s there and you have friends you are hanging with all the time.
Consistency. This is crucial. Maybe I should move it to the top? But I’m too lazy to cut and paste. Do things together often. Some in this group also have season tickets to the Titans and this is the third year for that. So tailgating during the fall adds even more hang time. We also eat together a lot.
It’s a family. When our group first started hanging out over 5 years ago all of us except for one had no family in town. It was just us. So we became a family and we’ve been together thru family member’s deaths, kids being born, sickness, a marriage, moving away and coming back, feeding each other pets, family vacation trips and so much more.

The last one is what creates that bond beyond the dudes. It’s family. I love my Nashville family and wouldn’t trade them for the world. Just a note, our group began out of getting involved in our local church. Our church had the idea of getting together for people that lived close together. It was called a meal group and granted the group was much larger at the time- but this gave us the opportunity to meet and connect with other like minded souls and has continued, as you can see, for quite some time.

So, are you ready? Get on twitter, Facebook, email or company directory- look up those friends you’ve been meaning to have over for dinner. Have a cookout. Create your meal group and do it often! Friendships will grow and your life will be forever changed.

(disclaimer: I have other friends. I’m not an elite type person. We have a group from our church that now meets at our house and we’ve met some great new friends who we love hanging out with… so when developing these new relationships don’t think these are the only friends you can have. That’s not too cool either)

If you care- here’s a peek into our “Bromance2k11″ trip to Chicago.

4-Hour Body Update : Week ????

// August 15th, 2011 // No Comments » // life

I have no clue what week I’m on. I guess I could go back and check but the point is that I’m not counting anymore. The time spent focused taught me how to eat and exercise, so much so that it has become a lifestyle. Yes, I still have a big ole cheat day once a week but I’m also not as strict anymore. If we are out and I’ve had a good week I may just order that fried catfish or the occasional french fries. However, moderation is the key.

My total weight lost while being ‘hardcore’ was 26 pounds. I’ve been able to maintain for the most part. I’m working out more so I’ve gained some in muscle but the smaller clothes are still fitting just like I wanted.

Not a long note, just wanted to update how it went and how it’s going. I’m not officially off the 4-Hour Body just modified to maintain where I’m at. Which is happy. (that was pretty cheesy, eh?)