Bromance is a term that was born in the 1990s by Big Brother magazine that reflected the relationship between skate boarders who spend a great deal of time together. The term has resurfaced in the past few years and really took off again after the movie “I Love You Man” came out… the movie is about a guy who has no close friends and is on the hunt to find that ‘special’ friend. A very funny movie!
For the past 3 year I’ve taken a trip with the same guys. We’ve known each other a little over 5 years and it’s a rare thing to find guys that all get along and love the same things (well almost everything- I hate baseball and one of the guys hates the Beach Boys). We do this trip every year and every time we hear from other friends who want to go. We always have a conversation about feeling bad that we don’t invite others and we don’t want to be jerks but then we go and have fun and realize that there is a trust and security in the connection that we’ve all made. It’s not that we are jerks and just don’t want to include others- because we often talk about taking another trip and inviting the masses. That doesn’t happen and honestly I don’t think it would be the same for the other guys.
I have a lot of friends (don’t read that as bragging) who I think would have a horrible time with us- even though they think they would love it. The inside jokes, the beer, the music, the really late nights roaming other towns and more importantly the attitudes. Yes, we have attitudes when we go on these trips. We act like no one else in the world is around. Let me re-phrase that, we aren’t rude but we are loud and have a blast.
Why am I writing this? I wanted to express the importance of getting in relationships with other dudes. It’s harder for us. Go to a birthday party and you’ll notice most of the ladies just chat it up and roll while the dad’s are on the wall or off pretending to ‘play/watch’ their kid so they don’t have to talk too much to the other dads (guilty). It happens and as we get older it gets harder for dudes to make close friends.
My recommendations on ‘creating & finding’ your Bromance:
- Survey your current friend landscape. Find guys that you have stuff in common with. If it’s music, start going to concerts together. If it’s football, go to some games. No games in your area? ROAD TRIP!!!!
- Not sure you want to go on a road trip? Take a day trip. We live in Nashville and our first trip was a quickie down to Atlanta for a Braves game. It was there that we knew we’d do this together again- probably for the rest of our lives
- Get involved with a group already meeting if they are open. A church group that meets once a week, a book club (yes, they have those for guys), A local collectors group (vinyl, sport memorabilia), community sports.
- Don’t fake your interests! These guys know I’m not a baseball fan but we take baseball trips. Maybe I’m the exception but just hanging out and goofing off trumps these trips for me. However, if they were to get season tickets to a baseball team, I’d probably have to reconsider all those ‘dates’.
- Don’t force it. Don’t try too hard to force these friendships. Honestly, you probably won’t even be trying when you realize it’s there and you have friends you are hanging with all the time.
- Consistency. This is crucial. Maybe I should move it to the top? But I’m too lazy to cut and paste. Do things together often. Some in this group also have season tickets to the Titans and this is the third year for that. So tailgating during the fall adds even more hang time. We also eat together a lot.
- It’s a family. When our group first started hanging out over 5 years ago all of us except for one had no family in town. It was just us. So we became a family and we’ve been together thru family member’s deaths, kids being born, sickness, a marriage, moving away and coming back, feeding each other pets, family vacation trips and so much more.
The last one is what creates that bond beyond the dudes. It’s family. I love my Nashville family and wouldn’t trade them for the world. Just a note, our group began out of getting involved in our local church. Our church had the idea of getting together for people that lived close together. It was called a meal group and granted the group was much larger at the time- but this gave us the opportunity to meet and connect with other like minded souls and has continued, as you can see, for quite some time.
So, are you ready? Get on twitter, Facebook, email or company directory- look up those friends you’ve been meaning to have over for dinner. Have a cookout. Create your meal group and do it often! Friendships will grow and your life will be forever changed.
(disclaimer: I have other friends. I’m not an elite type person. We have a group from our church that now meets at our house and we’ve met some great new friends who we love hanging out with… so when developing these new relationships don’t think these are the only friends you can have. That’s not too cool either)
If you care- here’s a peek into our “Bromance2k11″ trip to Chicago.