Posts Tagged ‘life’

Waiting For Death

// October 1st, 2011 // Comments Off // life

***I wrote this late Friday night, in the process of proofreading Nanny passed away.  It was approx 11:45pm.  I’m thankful that she is at peace and in a much better place.  Thanks for the amazing support and outpouring of love-  we’re blessed to have amazing friends****

Have you ever waited on death? I haven’t until this past week. I don’t like it. I’m not saying I like for people to die suddenly but the waiting and not knowing part of death can seriously take a toll on your mind. It’s hard to focus. It’s hard to hear the phone ring. It’s hard to have conversations about when “it” will happen. No one knows.

This is another mind dump. Before I begin, my family and I really appreciate the comments and support that we’ve read and seen both here and on Facebook (my dad drove so much traffic here the other day I figured he has some good friends) on my previous post.

My grandmother, ‘nanny’, that I wrote the previously blog post is the catalyst behind a lot of thoughts lately but September in general has been a rough month for sickness and health issues for friends.

At dinner the other night my dad said, “I guess there is a down side to having close friends…” – How true! Having people in your life that you care about and do life with eventually makes us realize the pain of sickness and death. Getting older has something to do with it as well. Here’s what I’ve heard/seen/experienced the past two weeks (no exaggerations):

  • Nanny is given a few days to live.
  • My father-in-law is put in ICU, released and then back in the hospital
  • A best friend finds out his mom has cancer
  • A twitter friend had a punctured bowel and is septic (emergency surgery saved her life)
  • A friend in a fist fight with throat cancer, his second round

And I can guarantee you we could all add 100+ more people to that list right now. It’s too much. The part that really bothers me is that I can’t do anything about any of this. Not a thing. I’m what many people would call a ‘yes’ man or a ‘fixer’. I would do anything for my friends and their family. My heart hurts with them at the same time.

We’ve officially been told that nanny has 24-48 hours to live. It was evident in visiting with her today that they are right. She may not be here when I wake up. A part of me will be glad that its over. The last two days have been rough seeing her like this. I want her to be pain free and on to the golden gate bridge in the sky… Or is that golden roads? (the humor defense mechanism kicked in).

I will be sad that she is gone and no longer physically part of our lives, however I had an amazing insight while visiting her today. Who she was as a great-grandmother, nanny, mom, wife and friend will continue to live within her family and friends. As I watched her laying peacefully in the bed the silence was broken by the laughter of my kids and niece… It may sound corny but it was a joyful and sad moment at the same time. Life and death mixing… as one life is ending others are just beginning. Thanks for all the notes, comments and support. Its amazing to know just how many people my nanny knew and touched.

I Don’t Care. I Just Don’t… Well, Maybe A Little

// April 30th, 2010 // 6 Comments » // life

I’ve been asked by quite a few people about my ‘man trip’ to Colorado this past March. They want to know what did I learn… what did I figure out.

I’ve had some time to reflect on what I think I got out of it… what can help me in my life and the life of my family. I think I’ve given the same answer when asked but the past week I’ve confirmed it. I don’t care… wait, I do care. That’s the problem. So, since when did caring become a problem? For me, it’s been an ongoing ‘problem’.

You see (yes, when someone writes “you see” you can tell it’s gonna be a long blog post)– back to it–  I live in a cool little town in TN called Thompson’s Station. It’s small but we are close to Franklin and only 25 mins south of Nashville. In this town we have an amazing creative community, one that is friendly yet the most judgmental clan I’ve ever seen. Me included.

Why does that matter? This is where the caring comes in. I want my friends, cohorts, partners, acquaintances and the such to like me. Why??? I can tell you that one of my needs in this world is affirmation. I like affirmation. Some people could care less about affirmation because they have other needs- like needs to be left alone and in the dark. I don’t know what everyone else needs but mine is affirmation. I LOVE it when a client or friend is happy with something I’ve done… it’s what keeps me rolling.

For too long I’ve worried about what I do as a ‘job’. I went to Belmont got a music degree. I’ve worked with multi platinum artists. I’ve had many songs on major TV shows and networks. I’ve written music for indie films. I launched one of the first all digital labels and got recognition from Wired magazine and now I run a very successful marketing company that is busting at the seams and am having to turn away work… why am I worried about what people think of me? Good question.

I think saying I don’t care anymore is an over statement. I do care. I like people. I love hanging out and meeting new people and making new friends… I really do and I’m not talking about virtual people. Let me get back to the ‘creative’ community that I find myself in. It’s cool to like Coldplay, Mute Math & Muse. I like those bands but they aren’t my favorite. It’s cool to be in a modern church doing modern things with Jesus. For me, a simple church where I can connect with real people who are doing real life is fine. It’s cool to eat healthy and hang out in coffee shops. For me, I prefer bars with wings and beer.

I guess I feel like Twitter and the other ‘social’ networks have opened these doors that we are wondering ‘do I measure up?’. I’ve found myself not tweeting something because of what I fear people may think is ‘uncool’. Who decides what is cool anyway? Certainly not me.

Wait, wait, wait! Who the heck am I talking about here? No one specific. I just realized that I wanted people to like me and know that I get to do cool stuff… maybe if you know this you’ll like me? That’s the part I’m talking about. So in Colorado I decided to be more real. To like what I like and be bold to say that I don’t like coffee. Nope, I don’t. Go figure.

So here’s to being real.  Respecting others and their accomplishments.  Being friendly to others and most of all–accepting others whether I agree or not.  Did I just write a speech for the next Miss America pageant?

Much love friends…

How Can I Stand Here…

// August 10th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // life, Music & Entertainment

standingI’ve heard this song a million times and today some of the lyrics hit me good. Nothing amazing, nothing out of the ordinary but maybe that’s why they seem so relevant.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose…you’re everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Those are from the Lifehouse song “Everything”.  Check it out on Amazon.

If you have a few minutes I encourage you to turn off the lights, close your eyes and just let the video below play.

My Life. The Circus.

// July 10th, 2009 // Comments Off // life

mycircusIt’s been a very busy past two weeks.  I feel like my life is a circus.

In the middle of moving to Tennessee my blog site was hacked and I lost my last template.  For now, I’ve settled on a Circus type thing to go right along with my life right now.

No matter the circus, I’m blessed beyond belief.  Our move has been pretty easy on the kids and the only real negative is getting pushed off by AT&T two times for internet/tv service.

Inked Digital has taken off well.  Daniel Island is keeping me very busy, but I’ve signed on to help 5 new clients in just the past two weeks.  I must say that I was a little nervous about jumping on my own again but wow, it’s been amazing.

Thanks for hanging in there with me and laugh at my theme once again.  I hope to life under control soon thus getting a blog theme to match my “control”.  We’ll see.

Camping With The New Camper & Kids

// May 21st, 2009 // 2 Comments » // life

I don’t have a ton of personal posts but figured I should share more on the “personal” side so you people “know” who I am. I was having lunch with Brody Harper and we were talking about the fact that people want to know “who you are”. When I started this blog, I had a lot of personal stuff on here and then ventured away. No specific reason why– just kind of happened.

So, without any more explanation… Here’s the Camping post!

Renee and I got a pop-up camper last fall and have been waiting for an opportunity to use it. Last weekend we took a trip to Moncks Corner, SC and spent a long weekend on the lake in our pop-up. We fished a lot… I caught one nice size catfish… Renee, on the other hand, caught two. Not just two, but two that were big enough to feed 7 people! Yes, we caught them and cooked them within 2 hours. Mmm.. good. Emma and Emerson were awesome and I’m glad they love being outside as much as I do.

OK, really, no more words. Here are pics…

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