Waiting For Death

***I wrote this late Friday night, in the process of proofreading Nanny passed away.  It was approx 11:45pm.  I’m thankful that she is at peace and in a much better place.  Thanks for the amazing support and outpouring of love-  we’re blessed to have amazing friends****

Have you ever waited on death? I haven’t until this past week. I don’t like it. I’m not saying I like for people to die suddenly but the waiting and not knowing part of death can seriously take a toll on your mind. It’s hard to focus. It’s hard to hear the phone ring. It’s hard to have conversations about when “it” will happen. No one knows.

This is another mind dump. Before I begin, my family and I really appreciate the comments and support that we’ve read and seen both here and on Facebook (my dad drove so much traffic here the other day I figured he has some good friends) on my previous post.

My grandmother, ‘nanny’, that I wrote the previously blog post is the catalyst behind a lot of thoughts lately but September in general has been a rough month for sickness and health issues for friends.

At dinner the other night my dad said, “I guess there is a down side to having close friends…” – How true! Having people in your life that you care about and do life with eventually makes us realize the pain of sickness and death. Getting older has something to do with it as well. Here’s what I’ve heard/seen/experienced the past two weeks (no exaggerations):

  • Nanny is given a few days to live.
  • My father-in-law is put in ICU, released and then back in the hospital
  • A best friend finds out his mom has cancer
  • A twitter friend had a punctured bowel and is septic (emergency surgery saved her life)
  • A friend in a fist fight with throat cancer, his second round

And I can guarantee you we could all add 100+ more people to that list right now. It’s too much. The part that really bothers me is that I can’t do anything about any of this. Not a thing. I’m what many people would call a ‘yes’ man or a ‘fixer’. I would do anything for my friends and their family. My heart hurts with them at the same time.

We’ve officially been told that nanny has 24-48 hours to live. It was evident in visiting with her today that they are right. She may not be here when I wake up. A part of me will be glad that its over. The last two days have been rough seeing her like this. I want her to be pain free and on to the golden gate bridge in the sky… Or is that golden roads? (the humor defense mechanism kicked in).

I will be sad that she is gone and no longer physically part of our lives, however I had an amazing insight while visiting her today. Who she was as a great-grandmother, nanny, mom, wife and friend will continue to live within her family and friends. As I watched her laying peacefully in the bed the silence was broken by the laughter of my kids and niece… It may sound corny but it was a joyful and sad moment at the same time. Life and death mixing… as one life is ending others are just beginning. Thanks for all the notes, comments and support. Its amazing to know just how many people my nanny knew and touched.